Urban Princess

Well its been awhile...

I can't believe how long its been since I have written here. I missed it, but I just haven't had the time lately. Blogging has been on my to do list for almost 2 weeks. If I had thought last month was crazy this one has just blown them all away. The beginning of the Month saw Chris's Mums 60th Birthday. Thinking it was going to be a small party I offered to make the cake. I was later informed it would feed 40. The days leading up to the party I was really stressed about it. I had never made a cake that big and we really didn't even have the kitchen supplies. You think I'm kidding? We don't even electric betters, let alone two cake tins that match. Chris asked me one night what I was going to do... "Im going to go shopping for all the ingredients tomorrow, spend the next day praying it will work out and I will bake it the morning of the party.". Turns out praying does work, cause it sure wasn't my cooking skills that made it a success.

Chocolate Cake, Chocolate icing with whipped cream center and white chocolate stars. All credit for the icing goes to Chris as I cant make icing to save my life I don't know why.

The party it self was was really good. It took place in the small town where Chris's parents live about half an hour down the road. It was at the local pub in the bistro. My grandfather came up for the party but I spent most the night talking to Chris's family. Thats something Im really grateful for, Chris's family has taken me in as one of their own, which is a lot more than they have done for him. More on that later. Day after was paintball training. It was the first time I had trained in 3 months. Last time I tried I just got smacked to hell with paint and left feeling frustrated and annoyed. Jeremy took a lot of time out to work with me this time and I felt like I was actually learning something.

Please excuse my fat butt. I do not encourage these photos. Thats Jeremy in the background. Chris was taking photos. I think he is just so proud of his paintball princess.

The weekend after we moved into out new house. It was a rather big affair even though it was only two blocks away. A couple of nights before the move I lay in bed thinking, 'This is it, this is really going to be our first house'. It suddenly dawned on me just how serious Chris and My relationship is. This is nothing new for Chris but it's something Im having a little trouble living up too. We have now been in our new house for a week and a half. There wasn't nearly as many fights as I thought there would be as to the layout of the house. The ADSL line was installed on Monday and that was a big hallmark of life returning to normal. Still another week or two till the the pay t.v. is installed. 

University wise this semester is in the home stretch. I submitted my last Anthropology Assignment last Thursday, International Relations on Monday, History on Wednesday and tomorrow my Final Essay is due for the semester in Australian Politics. Its been draining but I am proud that I pulled though. Saturday I start on a month long heavy study timetable in the lead up to exams.

Tomorrow I start therapy. Im really not looking forward to it but there are some answers I need, that I just cant seem to get round here. I know everyone has problems but I feel a little stuck and I just don't know how to get unstuck. I love Chris more than anything I just wish our communication was better. Anyway...

Our House.

Even writing those words overwhelms me with joy. I can not believe the day is finally here. Today we got a offer on a lease for a place Chris and I have been looking at for about a fortnight now. It will officially be our house. OUR FIRST HOUSE! Actually its all happened rather quickly. We saw it on the thursday, Submitted the paper work on the friday, had a walk throw on the monday and a week an a half later we got the phone call. We sign a lease this week and we pick the keys up in less than two. It was the first and only house we applied for this time. Which actually blows my mind a little because going into Christmas last year we searched high and low for a place and put in mountains of paper work to no avail. Even Chris didn’t think it would be this easy. He sat me down and told me not to get my hopes up but I told him from the start that it was our house. I knew within my heart of hearts. Actually from the picture it looks like a barn. But it has a lovely lounge and dinning area and a small kitchen but more usable than the one we have. Its also got an indoor laundry and built in wardrobes, a luxury we don’t have in our current place. The bottom floor also has a Toilet and Shower. The top floor has the three bedrooms, main bathroom and separate toilet. How cool is it that our house has an upstairs !?! You know what comes with the up stairs? A great view from the master bedroom of town and a laundry shoot. I know its just so cool! Oh and a bath, I have longed for a bath. I am so grateful to what ever powers that be that has bought this to us. Chris will be a little more excited with the finance and the moving side is all over but I think deep down he really likes the our home bit.

Lazy Lazy Sundays.

Chris and I slept in till 11 this morning. Locked in cuddles, into the silence he announces:

"We should of bought pancakes."

I guess that was just one of those momentary gems of wisdom that he blesses me with from time to time. He was right. Pancakes on a sunday morning used to be a tradition in this house. This year so far I only recall making them once and that was because we had house guests. I have really good memories of pancakes in bed, watching futurama. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, why is it that the simple things that make us so happy fall by the way side when push comes to shove? Chris loves blueberry pancakes. I just like mine with Ice cream.

Once up we settled for coco pops and tea. Since then it has been a very lazy day on the couch and love sac. Chris is watching Football (AFL) on the couch with a pillow, donna and a cat. Hawthorn doesn't play till 4 this afternoon so I guess thats where he will stay till early evening. I am possibly worse still. At least Chris is dressed. I am still in my PJ's with the electric blanket and laptop in the love sac. Oh how I love my love sac. I don't think even Chris appreciated how wonderful it was till he feel asleep in it the other day. Don't believe me, have a look for yourself: Here is an old photo of me home sick with a cold.

This is only a 6 ft sac. I used to have an 8 ft sac. I think Chris would have blown a gasket if I had got another one that size. I do need to get another cover soon though.

Anyway, I was going to study today but our whole class got a blanket extension. Yay! The only thing I have to do today is get dressed to go to KFC to pick up tea. Even then we live in Echuca so the only one who is uncomfortable with me going out in my PJs is... ME.

How green is the grass on your side?

Im in a melancholy mood this evening. Today has played out a lot like a soap opera in a house. Not to go into to much detail, our house mate is going through a ruff time and having to make some hard decisions. Its just left Chris and I on the side lines thinking what we would do if we were in his shoes. My heart really goes out to him but Chris seems to think that since he got himself into it he should be able to get himself out. Worse still I think if we where in his shoes I think we would make opposing decisions. Chris and I am not always on the same page but I wonder tonight if we are even in the same book. I know that its the differences in people that make them fit together so well. Like I have the bright ideas for my assignments and but he has the writing and spelling skills to make it perfect. What I want to know is how many differences are to many? I love Chris very much and normally I would move heaven and earth to make him happy. Tonight however there seems to be nothing I can do to make him understand how I feel. Something is wrong. A feeling I had locked inside so I wouldn't have to feel or think about it anymore has been let out and now I cant seem to rid myself of the dam thing! I don't think he has seen just how uncomfortable its got me.

I look at Chris and I am very happy here in our life but there are days I cant help but want a little more. Mostly its physical attention. Not once has he voluntary rubbed my back despite the fact I make a big effort to do it for him at least once a month. I have to fight him for a kiss before he leaves for work and his long since abandoned the one I used to get when he got home. As time has gone on the cuddles I used to get at bedtime have lessoned as well. Part of me gets that this is just a general progression in a relationship. That the things get comfortable and the butterfly go away, you aren't constantly climbing all over the top of each other and you start to rejoin the world from whenst you came. But I severely miss the physical attention. Im not talking about sex or anything dirty. I think its just part of his personality. People often perceive him as cold and scary when his not. Occasionally withdrawn and negative but not cold and scary. His not remotely touchy feely. He is however very supportive, honest, caring, generous and loving. I just don't think he gets how much in means to me.

A religious friend of mine once gave me a book. I cringe and the thought even now as I have long since abandoned my strong catholic up bringing but I think one night I must have been really bored so a read a page or two. It went on about the 5 languages of love. Sad huh? But surprisingly I learnt something from it. People tend to have a way the most prefer to give love and a way they prefer to receive it. Here is the list of 5:

- Words of Affirmation.
- Quality Time.
- Receiving gifts.
- Physical Contact.
- Acts of service.

Now its not that that if you have incompatible styles that you shouldn't be together. It just gives you a guide as how you might better fit together. What I know about my self is that I give love though acts of service and words of affirmation but I prefer to receive though Physical Contact and Quality time. My Ex was the same. We didn't get so spend huge amounts of time together but we used to go on holidays when it was just about us. He also loved to be touched. He used to have this thing where if we had to stand and wait for the pedestrian lights he would hold me close and kiss me on the head. I really don't know what Chris's languages are. I guess out of that list he gives though acts of service as he is without a doubt a wonderful provider and may even gift giving because he does spoil me. I have no idea what he prefers to receive. Worse still when I think he needs my love the most he doesn't seem to want to talk or have much to do with me. Im so confused. I love him as if he was my air sometime I just wish for a little more. Actually probably a lot like he wishes I'd was my cup after I use it or remember to tape his wrestling.

Lady Luck screws us over.

Well as good as my weekend was, Im glad its over. Maroon 5 was fantastic! I rocked out really hard. Chris and I went to melbourne early and went for a walk. A long walk. My legs are still hurting a day on. It was good though because Chris and I really don't go anywhere unless its paintball related. Oh and my man, he won at the Casino. Just goes to show that he really is one of the best poker players. Sadly, lady luck has conspired against him again. On the way home we hit a kangaroo which did more damage to the car than Chris won at the Casino. I feel really terrible about this as Im not in a position to help him out as Im still paying of the laptop.

Im afraid it only gets worse from there. Wrestlemania aired yesterday but I had left my stupid assignment till the last minute and had to get up really early to try and finish it. We didn't get home till 2.30 am and then I was up at 8 am. The first airing was at 10 am (well that when we think, the time on the program and the time it actually started) but we when checked the program the night before it said 12.30. Ok now this is going to get confusing. So it didn't air at 12.30 at all, so we assumed it would be at 2 pm, only monday is our shopping day, chris had to get a hair cut and I needed to post my assignment. We had planned to catch the 6 pm show. So I cooked dinner early and got ready only to find that it actually started at 4.30. Ok by this now we had caught on and got our times together and so at 9 pm both of us so tired settled in. Pre show took up an extra half hour. Great so we are going to be up till 1.30 am. What a shitty day. Oh may I forgot to tell you the dvd player packed up 1 hour and 45 minutes in and we missed the last 2 hours of the final airing. It really does break my heart. He has the worst luck. It like the universe lets him take one step forward as a joke and then yanks him two back. I don't know where we are going to find the money to repair the car and in its current state it really shouldn't be driven at all. Worse still until there is a plan in place to get is sorted out he will not be in the best of moods and there really isn't anything I can do. I have tried cuddles, sympathy, cooking him his favorite meals, nothing cheers him up. I have learned along the way its just easier if I go with the flow and don't say a word. That way I don't upset him anymore.

On a personal note, Im on my 4th day of my diet and Im doing good. I had a head ache and was feeling a little unwell yesterday but it seems to have passed except the fury tongue. I still have the ringing in my ears from the concert but less than yesterday so thats a good sign. Im glad to have finished my IR assignment but if I am totally honest is was a piece of sh!t. I really am just praying for a pass. I deserve was I get though, as I left it till the last minute. Now I have history one due this time next week.

Hello Cupcake.

I am indeed a Princess of Procrastination. I wished it wasnt true but there are just days where I have the attention span of a flea. Yesterday I did so much, I studied more yesterday than I have all this year. Today I am restless. In my defence our housemates girlfriend and kids coming this weekend and there is plenty of things like child proofing and dishes to be done. I should have been working on my assignment, instead I cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen. Once that was done... well... I just did little things. Emailed, organised, fliped though mags and when that didnt fill my day. I made Cupcakes! I dont why but it always gets rid of the built up tention I have in my system.

Not just any kind of cupcakes either. Well they were vanilla but I made 6 colours of icing: Green, Blue, Pink, Purple, Yellow and Orange. I even had sprinkles and M&Ms for decoration. I think I went a little overboard. By the end of it all I had 24 cupcakes, every single was different and no where to put the dam things. I ended up taking 6 over to the neighbours.

Needless to say I didn't get any of my assignment done. As much as I try I just cant seem to get my head round Dynamic Nominalism. I thing its because its a philisophical theory. I have alway had trouble getting my head around the thinking about thinking side of things. Im far my analitical and precise. Philophy alway had far to many variables for me. Still it is only 500 words, due Thursday and I haven't even put pen to paper, so to speak. Its a shame because Im actually looking forward to both my International Relations and History Essays. This is paper is just so uninspiring.

This merry-go-round never stops.

I cant believe its been two weeks since my last post. Things have been so crazy round here, Monday after my last post Chris took the first steps to set up his new buisness. I was so proud. University started and no matter how organinsed I thought I was Im still having to push myself to keep up.Which actually brings me to my news. Some of you may remember last month I told you my laptop bit the dust. Well my darling boyfriend, gentleman and provider bought me a new one. My very first Mac.

My last laptop was a HP with XP but when it came time to look round for a new one, I really just couldnt bring myself to to get a pc. Im affaid the Mac zeloits are right, Vista sucks. At mums earlier this year I was asked to fix a new pc where Vista had locked the administration account from the administrator and was asking for a password disk that we wernt even aware that we needed to create. So it with happy memorys I leave microsoft for Mac. I admit its a change but Im actually really enjoying leopard. There is are some fantastic apps and feature I wish windows had.

Best of all though, Chris never argued, never even tried to talk me out of it. He cant even justify spending money to get his own laptop fixed, how spoilt am I that I get a brand new top of the line laptop.

As the weather turns cold.

The days are beginning to get shorter here in Australia and with there no cloud cover at night, it has become time to get out the winter PJ's again. I have noticed it most in the middle of the night on the way to the loo. The kitchen floor is freezing. It is nights such as this that I most appreciate Chris. He is always so warm. I feel his heat radiates onto my back in the middle of the night and it helps me to know that I am never alone. As an insomniac this is defiantly an added bonus as the nights can be very long and lonely. Unfortunately this is the extent of our friendliness at the moment. Like I said some times we are in sync and others well... you know.

Monday is officially the end of my summer. Uni goes back and the only thing I really have to show is a couple of bad memories from that fateful trip to Albury. The summer prior to that I spent a total of 3 days at home. I went to the beach, I went to stay with a friend in Kerang, I even got to do a stint at the Australian Jamboree. I guess thats just the way life is as you get older. Everything is about Money or the lack of it. I used to pride myself on the fact that Chris and I never argued about money and I thought that may well be our saving grace but thats just not the case anymore. As our life becomes more intertwined so do our finances and in all honesty Chris and I just don't see money in the same light. Its not anybodies fault. Its just I had a more privileged upbring than him, there for I have less care or caution when it comes to money. I know eventually we will find a balance, its just the when that is the issue.

I think its pretty evident that I am having one or two blue days. I'm more sensitive to them now since I was diagnosed with depression. I don't cry or anything, I just go back to bed. Its not that bad anymore and it hasn't been for a long time but it does help me realize just how far I have come in my life.

A busy week.

Ironicly I did end up getting everything on the list done exsept for my history stuff. Good thing semester hasnt started yet. This past week has just been flat out. With Uni starting next Monday its a race against the clock to make sure Im ready. Both Chris and I have had a cold making as misrable and sooky. Chris stared in a news segment from the paintball tournement that has just gone by. His team actually did really well, they got a 2nd in Division one. It was the best Id seen him play in awhile. I think it might have had something to do with the revamped team. Here are a couple of photos.

My man getting ready to take the field.

Game plan discussion prior to the start.

ULTimate kicking but on field.

All in all it was a good tournement. I had resevations about going as I used to play a more active role in the lead up to one of these but I have to say I really enjoyed having time to watch Chris play. Its been so long since I even got to see him play a game let alone a days play. Im not the greatest girlfriend in the world but I think just being there with him and cheering him on for a change bought me on a little closer.

The Return.

So I haven't been blogging at all this week. Its not because I don't love you all. Its has more to do with a complaint from my partner. I was accused of spending to much time on the computer and rightly so as it would seen that this is exactly where my life exists. Every morning when I get up the first thing I do is turn the computer on... lol... its not like its out of my way, its less than 3 feet from the bed. I go to the bathroom. Groan at the sight of yet another pimple do my business and wash my hands and face, then off to the kitchen. It is there, I make coffee and bowl of fruit and head back to the bedroom. I sit with my coffee and systematical check my emails. Mostly just but sometimes there is one from my best friend or my life coach. Followed by my University Emails, mostly dull but important all the same. Check my hits over night on the blog, then sit back and read whats going on in the rest of the blogging world. Once the bottom of the coffee mug is in sight, its time for work. So this means a quick look at ebay and back to my university site.

As I study by correspondence everything is on-line. All my lectures come throw as pod casts, all readings are found in ejournals, all discussions take place on msn or message boards. This alone can account for approximately 4 hours worth of my day. Tack on another 2 if I'm actually working on an assignment.On top of that, have I ever mentioned that Chris is a web designer? This means when his not at home his at work and on-line. Any time of the day he is there for a chat. I think sometimes we chat more on-line than we do face to face. Which is kind of fitting since we actually met on-line. Yes we are one of those infamous couples that the Internet produced.

I long ago evolved past a cell phone and TV on TV has to many adds. My computer is my life. Wow that looks so sad in type. No wonder my eyes have nearly had it. I remember years ago when Japan had the phenomena of teenagers living there whole lives in there rooms and becoming reculeses from society. I might have been 14 or so. I remember thinking how can they live without there friends? Now I know. There is no one that doesn't live on in these four walls that I associate with in this town. My best friend is a single mum and has a hard time finding an hour to talk on the phone. We write there for we get round to it when we have the time. Society as we know it had changed forever. Social relationships don't play by the same rules anymore. Take twitter as an example. I know where and what my friends are doing when ever they post. Same goes for me. No phone call required.

The week away from the computer has been different. Don't get me wrong its not like its been unplugged. I still checked emails but I haven't really spent more than an hour a day. For one I cleaned the house from top to bottom. Domestic Goddess here I come...*cough, cough*. I also scrapbooked. Photos to come in following days. I went for a swim, went throw my printed study guides and shock horror read part of a book. Best I can explain it... Its like pieces of the Internet on paper without the 'find word' feature. It just didn't feel right though. I really did end up feeling isolated in this house.